HUMMER H1 SOLD 374 MODELS IN 2005; GM MERCIFULLY TAKES THE TRUCK OUT OF ITS MISERY

GENERAL MOTORS OWNS THE 'HUMMER' NAMEPLATE; NOW THE BIG 'H1 ALPHA'  HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY PUT OUT TO PASTURE. SOME 12,000 H1 MODELS HAD BEEN SOLD SINCE 1992; SALES HAVE DROPPED TO ONLY SEVERAL HUNDRED A YEAR; EXPECT THE LARGE H2 TO BITE THE DUST NEXT SEASON.

General Motors has announced the demise of perhaps the silliest vehicle ever sold the public (except for maybe the Pontiac Aztec). The elegantly useless, unparkable, threatening, intimidating, unable-to-stay-in-its-own-lane and environmentally-challenged HUMMER H1, the BIG one, which now sells for above $120,000, has officially been 'discontinued' by GM.

Production of the H2 and H3 will continue. The H2 will probably be discontinued next year as gas prices continue to rise and sales fall.

Why did GM (or any company) ever even consider selling such a gigantic truck to the general public? Well, sit back and read about a diner party I attended in '91 or '92...when the head of AMGENERAL, maker of the H1 (and the last vestige of the old American Motors) told me how Arnold Schwarzenegger made a personal pitch to him -- and the rest really is history!

A few years ago I went to a "media event" at a fancy restaurant in the hills above Malibu, CA, in Topanga Canyon, to be more exact, a place where famous for its serving of just about any wild game food you can name. The "event" was the local press introduction of the HUMMER H1, and at the diner I sat next to the then-President of AM General, a guy named Jim Armour (PERFECT name, right?), and he told me (at length over some good wine) the story of how none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger was personally responsible for the HUMMER H1 being sold the the public.

Before the dinner, an off-road course of sorts had been created behind and around the restaurant. Rod Hall, one of the great off-road drivers of all time (and incidentally Rod and his son campaign Hummers of all sorts and types in races ranging from the Baja 1000 to the Dakar Rally), was there to help us auto journos brush-up on our off-road driving skills.

Well, the H1 maneuvered up and over boulders which you could not do on foot with ropes and pulleys, and generally acquitted itself in fine fettle through the gulleys and streams and over the rocks and through the deep dirt and sand which the 'track' through at us. With Rod Hall sitting in passenger seat and yelling at you to "Stand on it!" and that big ol' diesel barely revving 600rpm, well, you should sort of had to believe this thing would get the job done. And it did!

So, as they say in NASCAR, here's the deal...Seems Schwarzenegger was up in Seattle or Portland or some such dreary place when he was making KINDERGARTEN COP (one of his best movies, yah, for sure...). Anyway, on the way to or from work one day, Arnold sees a NATIONAL GUARD caravan of vehicles going the other way on the highway. Well, the legend now has it, Arnold got so excited by the trucks that he turned his car around and caught up to them on their next rest stop.

"What are those? Where can I buy one!?!? They have BALLS!!!", were all some of the things Arnold was yelling at anyone who would listen.

Told they were HumVees and made for the military only, Arnold made sure to find out WHICH company made these behemoths and how to get in contact with them.

Later, a year or so, at the ARNOLD CLASSIC,a huge international bodybuilding tournament held every year in Ohio, Arnold took his private plane to visit a place called AMGENERAL, where the HumVees were made. He met with the company's executives and toured the assembly lines, thrilling the workers and praising them on building such "Ballsy vehicles!" (this comes into the story later).

Anyway, it was these actions (and many, many more) which eventually convinced the company to make the vehicles available to the general public, certainly the first time a military-spec vehicle was sold to the average man or woman. While the Hummers (the new, civilian name) caught on fast, propelled into the American psyche by the first Gulf War and Arnold's non-stop pimping for them, it also became apparent that a lot of the buyers and drivers were in, literally, WAY over their heads as far as knowing how to drive or control (or even get in and out of) what was really a truck cut-down to near-human size. And when gas prices started to rise, the name HUMMER took on an entirely new meaning.

Many fire agencies, police departments and municipalities of all sorts around the country, though, were able to buy the HUMMER for their own professional use in fire-fighting and life-saving, and that was a good use of these heretofore army-only trucks.

GM bought the HUMMER name and started paying AMGENERAL to produce the H1 and H2 trucks which were being sold at GM dealerships willing to pony-up some extra cash to get one of the suddenly-valuable HUMMER stores. Dealers were supposed to build all-new facilities to sell the HUMMER, including a stand-alone Quonset-hut appearing building, and even a test-track on the dealer's lot or somewhere nearby, but GM was happy simply to have a popular vehicle, even if all the PR was not good, and GM eventually overlooked many of their requirements for the HUMMER dealers.

With the H2 probably leaving production in another year, GM is having good luck with the more- reasonable (yet still grossly overweight and offering only lousy mileage) H3. At least it has a regular pickup truck as its basis, not a vehicle meant to serve as a rocket launcher, ambulance, troop carrier, and available in some 40 more configurations for the military from AMGENERAL.

So that's the deal on the HUMMER H1...and I was there to hear it from the man who signed the contract with Arnold and GM...

And by the way...about all that "ballsy" talk: Whenever Ahnold (at least pre-Guv) loaned one of his HUMMER H1 trucks to a local California car show to help raise monies for charities, as he did quite often, those looking under the rear of the vehicle would see a sack hanging from the rear center differential -- Yep, REAL BULL BALLS! Ballsy vehicles, indeed Governor!

Arnold owns a few H1's, and they are all (as far as I know, from the guy who maintained them for the Governator for many years) gasoline-powered with big block V8 engines. No weany girly-man diesel for our Ahnold, no way! No mealey-mouthed high-mileage conversions to set an example for the public, oh no!

Nope...Our Guv Ahnold thinks, like too many Americans, that if he have to pay an extra $2,000 to $3,000 or so for a dual-fuel or hybrid gas-electric vehicle which saves gas and lowers emissions, why should he do that when he can spend $5000 or more for a V8 Hemi!?!? Now THAT'S common sense, Ahnold style!