TIRES THAT SMELL --- SOUTH KOREA'S ANSWER TO THE PROBLEMS OF AMERICAN WOMANHOOD

Joining the large and always-growing list of companies which prove  they have no idea how to sell products to Americans, specifically American women, we present the latest insult to women's intelligence: Kumho, a South Korean tire outfit trying to make a big splash in the US, has announced the introduction of the world’s first fragrance automotive tire, the ECSTA DX. Got that? They're making and selling tires which, well, smell. And they are aimed at: America's women drivers.

They say the project is the “fruition” of more than a year’s worth of research and development to deliver an "alluring aroma tire" that replaces the normal “black rubber” smell with heat-resistant oils in the scent of lavender, and in later versions, neroli (orange) or jasmine.

The company says they are selling the DX aroma tire to help build brand awareness and highlight the company's tire expertise in the highly competitive automotive marketplace. Why Kumho didn't display these nifty, smelly tires at the recent SEMA Show, we can only guess. Maybe they were worried about being laughed out of the Las Vegas Convention Center ...

Kumho says these tires are targeted at "female consumers who drive" such sedans as the Honda Accord, Toyota Camry,Subaru Outback, Chrysler Sebring and Ford Taurus. Notice Kumho says in their PR release that the tires are aimed at "female consumers who drive" specific cars; not female consumers who buy certain vehicles. I don't know too much about the South Korean car-selling marketplace, but here in the US, women are responsible for an estimated 80% of all vehicle buying decisions, either by making the purchases themselves or influencing their family's decision.

In addition to a unique aroma, Kumho goes on to say, the ECSTA DX is engineered to deliver low noise levels and ride characteristics equal with leading tire brands. But who cares about silly little things like ride comfort, noise and even safety that when your tires smell so good, right?

And why not go all the way? Why didn't Kumho just name the tires the "EXTA-C"?

We can only guess that Kumho never heard of a car made by Dodge way back in 1955. Named "La Femme", it was a version of the Custom Royal Lancer coupe, and aimed at women-only. It had a dazzling pink-and-white color scheme and accessories such as a cosmetic kit, color-keyed umbrella and fitted handbag in the back of the front seat. And it was a sales bomb. We've spoken with enough women in and out of the auto business and we have learned exactly what American women want to know when they buy a car or truck: They want to know exactly the same things which men want to know. Kumho needs to do a little research the next time they want to market a product in the US to women, or even men, for that matter.

Kumho says prices will range from $119 to $138. All obedient and subservient American women should head down to their local Kumho dealer immediately and start sniffing tires ... just like the family dog! And your hubbie can find a Kumho dealer for you by using the computer, dearies, so don't worry about getting lost. Better yet, just to be on the safe side, ask your 'special someone' to drive you to the store.